Okay, first I want to say I am a fan, strictly on the grounds of entertainment.

Twilight
Bella sees Edward.
OMFG SO PRETTY, I WANT HIS BABIES.
Edward ends up next to Bella in Biology class.
SMELLZ SO GOOD....MUST....NOT....KILL..............SEX
Edward is a Vampire.
OH NO, WHO SAW THAT COMING.
Edward takes Bella to a meadow in the middle of the forest
AND HE SPARKLEZ
Bella meets all the Cullens, they all love her, but Rosalie, however, does not.
THEY PLAY BASEBALL
Evil vampires come.
WTH MOAR VAMPIRES
blond vampire wants to kill Bella, because she smells SO DAMN GOOD.
Cullens flee.
VAMPIES IN ARIZONA, *LE GASP* OH NO THEYZ GONNA SPARKLE
Edward shows up in the nick of time and kills Evil vampire.
Bella and Edward go to prom.
*fan girls aww.*

New Moon.
Bella has a nightmare of getting old.
Bella turns 18. *party noises*
Bella gets a paper cut
All the cullens flee from Forks
Jacob to the Rescue [superman theme]
Jacob is a WEREWOLF, OH NO WEREWOLVES AND VAMPIRES LIVE IN FORKS
Bella cliff dives to hear Edward voice.
Alice sees Bella jump, she tells Edward.
EDWARD COMES BACK
*fan girls freak out*
Edward goes to Italy to ask the Volturi to kill him.
They say no, THEY WANT TO SEX HIM, and HIS POWER
he refuses.
They go back to Forks, all is fine and dandy in the land of forks.

Eclipse
Bella is grounded.
Charlie tries to cook and fails.
Bella still wants SEX and Edward says no
Edward wants to marry her. Bella is all HELL NO FUCKER WE AIN'T GETTING NO MARRIAGE. but he is so perfect, she can't help but say yes.
Bella wants to be a vampire. Edward says AFTER GRADUATION
GRADUATION
Edward says, Marry me first.
Newborn vampires wreak havoc in Seattle and come to Forks
Cullens and the werewolves team to kill the newborns.
ALL THE NEWBORNS DIE
Maker of the newborns is killed by Edward
once again all is fine and dandy is forks.

Breaking Dawn
Bella gets a COOL NEW CAR
Edward and Bella get married
They spend 2 week on the isle Esme making mad wild SEX
OMFG BELLA IS PREGNANT, DID YOU KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN?!
Bella grows really fast.
BABY IS BORN AND IS DUBBED RENEESME, or Nessi for short.
Jacob tells Charlie about Werewolves and Vampires, OH NOES
THE VULTARI WANT TO KILL NESSI
vampires from all over come to help and protect the lochness monster and the Cullens.
Jacob falls in love with the little monster.
OH NO ITS AN ABOMINATION
the Volturi see all is fine and dandy
Edward and Bella sex it up some more and all live happily ever after.

THE END